Tuesday, February 28, 2006
{ 3:44 AM }
life can be really tiring when it's coming to an end. maybe it's the turning point of my life. i found out many things. i dont understand why must people be so fake. one can suck up to people who has more power than oneself, although they dont like them. the way the world is changing, it's really scary. i need someone to stand by me in times so happiness, sadness. but i doubt anyone would do that. nobody understands me. nobody will. i only need someone to understand how i feel. is that really very hard? i have feelings. i'm not a standby friend. when they/she are/is not here, you/you all will then think about me, if not..i'm all alone again. i'm a loner. a hermit crab arent i? you/you all thought you/you all know me, but you dont. i'm a person who looks strong, but i aint. but although i'm not very strong, i dont cry easily, and i put up a brave front. that is me..so i guess you can never guess what i'm thinking about. but you certainly will and can know how i'm feeling right then.
today had shooting. managed to skip eng which is good because there's two period of eng today. on the way to the range, we saw RI. this reminded me of joy, but..nevermind. i'm numbed anyways. then we went to the old pa not the new hpa. i thought we would go to the new one, but nope. i was wrong. we sat at the drill shed and waited because we were the second last school to reach there. while waiting, everyone did their own things while i sat there day dreaming. i was super duper bored..but nobody noticed. they just did their things. it doesnt matter anyways, i'm always left alone. and we shot..soon after a long wait, it's time for us to return home. after we boarded the bus, mr lee started to read our score. i thought i failed you know, but anyways, it's no big deal what..it doesnt mean if you dont get a marksmen, you have no prospect. unless you want to be a police. ok. so some people started out weeping. but it ended with wails. they talked about bonding. i dont see that our squad is bonding. is those few people together. ok..i'm all alone aint i? you can say i'm the one not enthu, but i'm not. always when they are talking, they'll pull each other to one side, leaving only me. if you hate me..then dont act as though you like me can? it'll hurt me more if i find it out. i know everyone hates me. i sux..and i knew it. i knew it. i guess twp years together isnt a big deal right? it can be broken easily. i dont see a reson why our bond can be kept...mr lee said about the friendship that will last forever, but i dont see it. there'll never be a frinedship that will last till eternalty. there isnt. not mine.
think about who you may be but if you know, or would you just think about the way i feel? and so..on the way back to school , i sat on the bus alone. it's a long and never ending journey..i have to learn to walk this never ending road..without you..without anyone. it's a long, long journey, till i know where i'm suppose to be..